I haven't written in a bit. I've been busy, first with NEWTS (and believe me all that studying paid off, mostly O's thank you), then with other things. I tried out for the Tutshil Tornadoes Reserve team, and I made it.

But I'm not going to take it. I know, it's the Tornadoes, the best team ever, and my favorite. And I still love Quidditch with every bone in my body and I'm good at it and I'll miss playing, but I think it's right that I quit now. I could always join a village team or something.

I used to think Quidditch was life. Cedric and I thought Quidditch was life. And I've tried to keep that, because I was trying to keep Cedric alive in a way, but I don't think I need to anymore, because becoming Captain finally helped me to realise what Cedric really wanted. And I did it, for him. We won the Cup, for him, and showed everyone that Hufflepuffs can actually do something, and I think now that that is something more important than Quidditch.

I got accepted for Auror training. Dad was shocked. Mum doesn't know, but I bet she'd be disappointed. Haven't told Grandmum yet, because she hates Aurors. They killed Grandfather.

I hadn't even told anyone I wanted to do it, except for Moody. Not even Su. Sorry Su. But I did it and it starts at the end of July and I have a lot of video games to play until then. But I've wanted this for a while. And Moody told me I could do it and he was right. I've realised that I want to do something in this world that will make a difference. I want to find whoever did that to Cedric and make sure it doesn't happen again. I want to be a role model, like Professor Moody was to me.

And that, I think, is more important that Quidditch.

I don't think I'll be using this journal anymore. I can't use computers, even magicified ones, at Auror school. I'll miss talking to you (except you Weasley). But I think it is time to move on. So this is goodbye.

And thank you.

-Zacharias Q. Smith
Former Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain
Winner of the 1996 Hogwarts Cup
Auror-in-training

Su is awake!

I've been in the Hospital Wing all day yesterday. And today, except not all day because Pomfrey wouldn't let me stay all day two days in a row. She probably wouldn't have let me yesterday except for it being my birthday. And it was a wonderful birthday.

My dad sent a card saying he'll have my gift when I return home. Cedric's parents sent some sweets and invited me to dinner. Nothing from Mum.

I'm 18. Fancy that.

SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU SU

Tomorrow's my 18th birthday.

You know what that means. Gifts.

WE WON!!!!!!

WE DID IT!! WE WON THE CUP!! 170 to 60 ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!! TAKE THAT SLYTHERIN. Total scores of 460, we beat you by 10 points!

I feel as giddy as a firstie. I can't believe it. FLETCH, THAT LAST BLUDGER YOU HIT WAS AMAZING!! Kid, you kept out so many goals, I can barely believe it!! You'll go pro for sure one day!!!!! Susie, I am so proud of you. You've come so far, you're an amazing Seeker. Hopkins, good form. Madley, for a third year, you sure are tough. WE WON THE QUIDDITCH CUP!!

Oh, and Ginny Weasley, your goals were quite impressive. Congrats.

What a great way to end my seventh year. I just wish Su



Cedric Diggory, this one's for you.

...

Su. Su su su su su su su su su. They were playing CATCH with her!! I can't bloody believe it. I could've killed them.

I could've kil...

I wanted to, too. I felt...I didn't like that feeling. I hate this anger that runs through my veins and I can barely control it. But I want to, and I think that makes me different from Evan.

Focus, Zach, focus. You're Zacharias Q. Smith and you have a Quidditch Cup to win and a girlfriend in the Hospital Wing Focus. There's nothing you can do for her right now, you spent all day trying to let Pomfrey let you into the Wing and Su'd want you to win.

Quidditch tomorrow, mates. I know today was hectic, but start to focus. We have a game and a Cup to win. Susie, how're you feeling? Do you remember the strategy?

Blimey, I'm knackered. Hope everyone's all right. You should all get some sleep. Merlin I'm starting to sound like a Prefect. Or old. When did I get old?




June. Fifth year.

Exploding Snap in the common room. I have prizes for the winners. Who wants to help me? Fletch? Susie?

[Private to Tony]

I hope your family's all right. From what I heard though it was only Neville Longbottom's family who were injured, so they're probably all right. Right?
[/Private]

Su, you're all right, right? Sorry we never got to meet in that cupboard...though I suppose after getting caught by Hermione that it's not such a great idea anyway...though, I suppose our detention is postponed.

Oh Merlin. Quidditch too. Well, at least practises. BLOODY HELL.

It just makes me sick, about Neville Longbottom's parents. Moody mentioned them a few times, it seems they've gone through enough. And I can guess who did it. Bloody makes me sick. I hate them so much. I remember getting that one good punch in at the attack on King's Cross...I hope it was one of them.

BLOODY HELL QUIDDITCH IS PROBABLY POSTPONED!!!

First off, I want to make it known that I do not think my girlfriend is a slut. Honestly.

Merlin, I'm starting to sound like Granger. Hello Granger. Sorry for stealing your word. Want to snog? Zabini says I need to snog a Gryffindor, and unfortunatly he's not one.

I think I'll write poetry about it. It's a limerick.

Oh Hermione, why won't you snog me?
It's all right, I guess I'll snog Su Li.
She's pretty, though no Gryffindor,
Joanna Dorny is a whore.
So much for promoting interhouse unity.




And now it's time for my little "game" thinger.

1. Do you have a brain or did they take it out to make your stomach bigger?

2. Same question.

3. You are nothing but a spoiled little brat. I think my grandmother would like you, really. You seem to take a lot of pleasure in being bull-headed and obstinent, and you really aren't better than everyone like you seem to think. You had better stay away from me, because I'm not going to be responsible for the consequences.

4. I hate you. We share a birthday, which apparently you find sweet or something like that, because you tend to bug me around that time. Keep away from me. And you killed him.

5. Stuck-up arse. Tornadoes are a much better team than you'll ever play for.

6. I hate what we went through. I hate that I wasn't good enough for you, and I hate that I'm happy now and I don't even know if you are.

7. You are probably the most stuck up and arse-faced person I've met in my life. Git. I wonder, if something happened to you, if your family would even notice? Probably not. Shame, too, that you're in the family. They seem nice.

8. Can't say I dislike you now, but if you win the Quidditch Cup, I will.

9. You. You're a selfish attention-whore. There is so much I have the right to know, but all you think about is yourself and how horrid your life is and won't tell anyone. I partially blame you, y'know. It's not like I even know what happened. WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE HIM?

10. Never liked you. You were a horrid Beater, and you're a horrid person. I tried to like you for a while, but it was hard to hide that I didn't. And now you're encouraging the brat. No one will love you.


All right done. I'm in a rush, they're not as detailed as I'd like. Rats.

Oh, Professor Snape, your lecture was incredible today!

I think you have stolen my heart away.

So...Pucey. Despite that extremely lucky win the other day...I hope your endeavours go well. I'm sure they will, since I'm sure you're well familiar in that area.

As am I, of course.


So, anyway, I'm behind in my Arithmancy homework. It's not like I don't understand it, I've just got so much work that it's getting overwhelming. NEWTs are coming up, and Quidditch. Blimey. I'm doing so much homework I barely get to see Su.

Su, I miss you.

And has anyone told those two Slytherin oafs yet that Professor Snape isn't dead?

Good game, mates. You played well.

FUCK DRACO MALFOY. FUCK HIM. And Pucey, and the rest of them. ESPECIALLY those two dumb clods. They play so BLOODY rough that I think Susan was a bit scared. I know she could have caught that Snitch. I KNOW it.

We HAVE to win the next game. This is my last year here, and I want to do what Cedric never had the chance to do. Win the Cup for Hufflepuff. I won't give up.

[Private to Hufflepuffs]

We HAVE to win this next game. We need to score 190 points in order to beat Slytherin, and we have to beat Gryffindor by at least 50 points in order to win the Cup. This game is it. We lost the last one, but we still have a chance. Susan, you don't have to catch the Snitch, but you have to make sure Potter doesn't until we're ready. I'm going to go over this strategy at practises, but I'm telling you here and now so it sticks.

Kevin, kid, when the Quaffle's not anywhere near you, I want you to keep an eye on the scoreboard. I'll try too, but you need to tell me when we have at least 190 points and are 50 ahead of Gryffindor. Susan, that's when you need to go for the Snitch. If you get it, great, if Harry gets it, we still win the Cup. Now, if we have more than 190 points and we're not 50 ahead of Gryffindor, and you KNOW you can get the Snitch, go for it. But you have to make sure that ABOVE ALL that Harry doesn't get it. But you also have to make sure that we're not 100 points behind Gryffindor. If we're 100 points behind, you can't catch the Snitch, and you have to make sure Harry doesn't either. Got that? I want you to be able to tell it back to me at practise.

Kevin, here's an easier plan. Just don't let any Quaffles in. That'll solve most of our problems.

[/Private]

We can still win this, team. And we will. Promise.


Bugger, almost forgot. Since Slytherin and Ravenclaw are done for the year, we have more practise time. Expect double the practises!

I'm bored.



Ron Weasley is a git.

Ahem.

I DID NOT SNOG PROFESSOR SNAPE. I think. I hear you all whispering in the corridors. PLEASE CUT IT OUT. I snogged Su, and only Su. And if for some reason it wasn't Su in her body, I still snogged Su, because it was Su's face. So quit talking about it.

Oh, and Henry's been trying to get me into this Muggle girl band. They're rather cute, but a bit too...much for me, I think. Spice Chics, I think they're called. Has anyone heard of them?

Su...can we talk?

BLOODY HELL. If Snape's journal was real, then that explains EXACTALY what was going on yesterday. So that was Snape I kissed in the morning!?

I feel sick.

And I feel sicker about the fact that I mentioned Karkaroff...so now Snape knows something. It's not just any student that talks about his Mum and Karkaroff. Bloody sodding hell, Su. This is bad. For all we know, I wouldn't be suprised if Snape himself was a Death Eater.

The funeral and the will-reading were today. The old man left me his hipflask and medals. I'm didn't really expect anything but...I'm glad I have them.

Funny, how I understood his message perfectly. He told me he's glad he never had a son like me because his life would have been hell, but he hopes I know what he's not saying. Scattered with his vulgarities, of course. And not to get girls knocked up. Never thought someone telling me not to get knocked up would choke me up, but it did.

I'd only cried once since before Cedric died.

I hope no one saw that.

Another thought, what if Mum owls me back? Who will I go to now? Moody said to keep him informed, I know this is important to him and probably anyone who is fighting He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but I don't know who I can turn to. Perhaps other Aurors? I really don't know any, though there were the two from Moody's funeral. I'll just have to deal with it if/when the time comes.

It feels odd to have this flask, wrong that it's not accompanied by that clank of a leg, the crazy eye, the not-fully-complete nose, and all that swearing. Perhaps someday it will feel like it really belongs to me. I hope not. I wonder what Grandf Evan Rosier would think, knowing that his enemy, the one who killed him, left me his posessions. Did Moody get any of those medals from killing my grandfather!? Ironic, really.

I suppose Grandmother is rejoicing. She'll probably hold a 'social gathering'. Funny, that. She rejoices while I mourn.

Ginny Weasley. I apologise for being an arse. I did not mean to be so inconsiderate to you, and I realise that I hurt you out of spite of your brother. And Ronald, I apologise for being such a wanker, I should have known better to squabble with a git like you but in such a chaotic and upsetting time like this, I seem to have lost my inhibitions.

There. I think he would have told me this squabbling is useless, since the "school is halfway up the arse of You-know-Who and nobody cares," anyway.

I miss him.

Also back at school.

That is all. Don't know what to do. Funeral tomorrow.

I had one of those nightmares again. It's been months...I thought I was done with them.

Cedric...

Quidditch is cancelled until further notice. Practise. Quidditch Practise. Yes I know that it is hols so there is no Quidditch because I am in Cardiff and some of you are at Hogwarts and Fletch is at home and the rest of you are not here so it's be nutters to try to have a practise it just wouldn't work but even so there is no practise. I don't know if there'll be any when we get back but until further notice there is no Quidditch.

Moody is dead. Dead. Moody. Professor Moody. Alastor Moody. Mad-eye. The man who gave me firewhiskey though I'm underage. The only one I could talk to about Mum leaving. The only one who knows that Mum went off with Igor Karkaroff. The one who hates Igor as much as I do right now. The one I'm still talking about in the present tense because I can't say the past tense because I just can't.

I really don't know what to do right now, I want to rush to London and do SOMETHING but I don't know what to do so I tried to think of something productive that needed to be done and the only thing I could think of is QUIDDITCH bloody Quidditch the only thing that keeps me sane but right now I can't even go flying I tried it and it did nothing for me and if I can't turn to Quidditch what can I do?

I never even got to thank him for all he does for me. He's the only one who I can talk about how much I miss Cedric and helped me figure something out when I knew that the most important thing to me is to do something about that and I didn't know what to do. As much as I love Quidditch I think he knew it was more important for me to realise I want to be an Auror and he helped me.

He understood how I felt about my grandfather and it was only a few days ago that I realised he was like a grandfather and I wanted to tell him even though I knew he'd probably just swear at me but it wouldn't matter.

Y'know, they haven't even found the body maybe he's not dead and then I can go back up to that door of his and sit in that big chair of his and he'll swear at me and glare and it will all go back to normal.

I think I'm going to...I don't know.

Bloody Hell.

I'm glad we get the Daily Prophet at home. Bloody Hell.

Home for the Easter hols. I'm glad they're now, so I can be home. Henry's here, so of course I'll be playing some Quidditch. Dad seems all right. For as much as they really didn't get along, I'm suprised at how upset he is. I don't know if it's her, or just that he's not sure what to do now, or what. My neighbour said Dad was 'all sixes and sevens,' and I think that phrase is right.

Su, I miss you.

Susie came up to me, she could tell something was wrong, I guess. She's met my father before, so I told her.

I'm worried about Moody. His journal entry today...it's like he feels he's about to die. Merlin, I hope not. I don't even want to think about it. "Wouldn't mind knowing how Smith turns out, arrogant little get that he is." I suppose I'm glad that he has no misconceptions about me, but...

I think that I think of him as a grandfather. Funny, that, since he killed my grandfather, but I think he's more of a grandfather than Evan Rosier could have ever been.

Nice game, Bell.
My condolances, Cho.



Hufflepuffs, I want your parchments tonight.

Still no word from Mum

She finally did it. I used to think she would, sometimes, but I never really though she would, if that makes sense.

Mum left. For good, I think.

Henry's at home with dad, who's more upset than I thought he would be. She took a lot of our money too, and even Grandmum Violet doesn't know where she's at. Or so she says. She never really liked Cardiff much anyway. Or even Dad. Or that fact that we speak Welsh at home sometimes. I think dad only did that to annoy her, though. But she's still my Mum.

I'll be flying if anyone needs me.

( Private )